


Ash On An Old Man's Sleeve

by bananasandroses (achuislemochroi)



Series: Whofic [76]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 4X13 (Journey's End), Angst, F/M, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 05:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9804272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achuislemochroi/pseuds/bananasandroses
Summary: We could start again. I’d like that, you and me.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title and the quote at the beginning of the story are both from _Four Quartets_ by T. S. Eliot. I’ve borrowed dialogue from _Family of Blood_ and _Doomsday_ , and a line from _Do I Have To Say The Words_ by Bryan Adams.

_Ash on an old man’s sleeve_   
_Is all the ash the burnt roses leave._

‘He needs you. That’s very me.’

_I need you, just as much. More. Make me stop, Rose; please. Make me stop._

‘All right’, she says, and you hate yourself for making her do this. ‘Both of you, answer me this. When I last stood on this beach – on the worst day of my life – what was the last thing you said to me?’

She looks straight at you and, knowing what you must do to keep her safe (didn’t you promise Jackie you’d always do that if you could?), you can’t quite look at her. You cannot bear to leave her when you know this time there’s no chance you’ll ever see her again, but this is torture.

‘Go on’, she urges, still looking at you.

‘I said “Rose Tyler”.’ The words are wrung from you like water from a flannel and it’s all you can do to stand there. But you’ll give her this; you owe her this much, and more besides.

_The way this feels, Rose Tyler, you might yet be the death of me a second time._

She doesn’t appear to like that answer, which doesn’t surprise you; you doubt you’d like it any better.

_We could start again. I’d like that, you and me. We could try, at least. Because everything that man is, I’m capable of it, too._

And then she speaks again, and it’s as if no-one else exists for you.

‘Yeah. And how was that sentence gonna end?’

‘Does it need saying?’

_Must I prove to you how good we are together? Must I say the actual words before you’ll believe them?_

Without another word, she turns to the part-human man who wears your face (and the blue suit you’ve never liked).

‘And you, Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?’

You see him lean towards her and whisper into her ear the words you’ve always known she needs to hear but have never been brave enough to say. You think you’re ready to handle what’s coming next.

You’re wrong.

_I never thought I could be jealous of myself._

You’ve dreamt of her for so long; you ache to take up again where you left off, but you can’t. Instead, you stand there and watch her kissing someone else who is, but is not, you – and watch him kiss her back with the love and passion you have for the woman in front of him. Everything your _Doppelgänger_ possesses is only because _you_ thought and felt – think, feel – it _first_.

You left yourself wide open to this pain, worse in its own way than the Time War ever was. A love-hate relationship existed between you and your people; some you loved, some you hated. You’ve felt nothing but love for Rose; you love her. You’re in love with her. And the memory of it, the one thing that kept you sane since you lost her, is all you will ever have of her after today.

_If it’s the last chance I have to say it: Rose Tyler, I —_

It will have to be enough.


End file.
